I was, I am and I will always thinking about myself. If it’s not me who’s thinking about myself, then who else? Those who’s talking behind my back? Those who labeled me as selfish? Of course they’re not.
Let me emphasize it.
I’ve been standing and defending so hard for what I believe that somehow along the way everything will change to a better one. There are some people not as corrupt as the other people. I still believe it until now although it seems to be less possible. The problem was when I look around, I was starting to tolerate and even some people persuade me to tolerate more. Close your eyes and close your ears, that’s what they whispered to me.I can't close my eyes and my ears and let everything slip away like it's not a big thing.
I seriously want to grow to be a better human being not to grow to be a more corrupt human being because of tolerating bad things more and more.
That’s the moment of having enough with all the crap. I was so mad that I couldn’t stop crying and stressing. Some people come around and tried to calm me down. Talk so loud that we’re going to fight it all together. Clear the air so there will be no missed understood anymore. Said if I was hurt, then all of us would felt hurt together. I believe it. I was so naive that I gave it another chance.
It turned out that those just words. It was not going to become a reality. I fall for the bull, apparently. I was mad to myself for letting them ruin my hope.
For those who labeled me as selfish, please do ask yourself. Did you really consider the pain that I’ve been through and I share with you along with my tears? Did all the sharing is caring that you’ve been yelling about in my ears really meant something? Because even until the last day, I was standing alone.
Just to be honest, I never regret my decision. Not even once. Truthfully, I miss my fireworks. But now, I’m happier and lighter.
