Hey, you..
You must be happy up there. Felt no more pain. Quiet a contrary with us down here. We still have to deal with this non-easy feeling of losing you, including me. I just never thought it would be this hard. You must be so flattered to see me sad like this. You must be showing your smirk right now. Most of the times I felt like crying. But I hold it hard, I keep it inside. I even got a new hobby, biting my lower lip just to hold the tears. Because every time I shed those tears, I can't stop. It pours down like a water fall.
I just never thought it would be this fast.When I heard the news, I thought it's just your typical little crashes. So I never thought much of it. Until the next day when I heard that you're in a coma. Unconscious. Suddenly I can't stop shaking. I was so speechless. I felt so boneless. My mind flying around separated from my body. I want to cry, but those tears wouldn't come out because there were just too many people at that moment. Right from that moment, I can get distract easily when I remembered you. In this case, it's often.
I want to see you. I don't care whether some said the fact that you're in a coma, you couldn't do anything. You got no response. But, I just want to saw you. What I don't know that deep inside I was so afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid when I see how bad you hurt, all the hope for your cure suddenly gone, because I don't have that big ego to see you live and suffered.
When I got the news that I've been so afraid to hear, I was breaking. My world stopped. I hardly build my strength to step in and say my last good bye. But when I finally saw you in that dark coffin, my defense was so useless. It's gone. I try to smile, but I failed. My tears beat me so easy. I got kicked by my own tears. Blame it for I couldn't give you my smile for the last time.
There, I saw your family, especially your big brother and your mom. Your mom loss you, her handsome son who always love her (that's what you always told me) and always want to make her happy. Your brother loss you, his little brother that often make him mad because of the adventurer soul inside of you. For real, they love you so damn much.
I never knew that I could be this shattered because of losing you. My heart that you've broken into pieces few years ago breaking into more little pieces, that I don't have the power to pick it all up. I can't fix it into one whole piece anymore. It will stay pieces.
I tell you something that will make you smirk even bigger. I just realized, I never stop caring for you. All of this time, I learn to care for you from where I stand, never try to own you and learn to live without you around. And I do get used to it. I'm doing extra fine. But the moment you stop breathing, it's the moment I realized that finally I lose you for real, forever.
It's been 3 days since you left this world, off to heaven. But, those memories keep popping out, like a popping christmas card, that I don't felt like doing anything, except crying and writing. Now, you're probably mad at me because I'm so drowned. I know, you hate me for crying. I don't even know how I can put away all of this tears and try to smile again. I don't know. But I promise you, I'll smile again. Soon.
You must be happy up there. Felt no more pain. Quiet a contrary with us down here. We still have to deal with this non-easy feeling of losing you, including me. I just never thought it would be this hard. You must be so flattered to see me sad like this. You must be showing your smirk right now. Most of the times I felt like crying. But I hold it hard, I keep it inside. I even got a new hobby, biting my lower lip just to hold the tears. Because every time I shed those tears, I can't stop. It pours down like a water fall.
I just never thought it would be this fast.When I heard the news, I thought it's just your typical little crashes. So I never thought much of it. Until the next day when I heard that you're in a coma. Unconscious. Suddenly I can't stop shaking. I was so speechless. I felt so boneless. My mind flying around separated from my body. I want to cry, but those tears wouldn't come out because there were just too many people at that moment. Right from that moment, I can get distract easily when I remembered you. In this case, it's often.
I want to see you. I don't care whether some said the fact that you're in a coma, you couldn't do anything. You got no response. But, I just want to saw you. What I don't know that deep inside I was so afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid when I see how bad you hurt, all the hope for your cure suddenly gone, because I don't have that big ego to see you live and suffered.
When I got the news that I've been so afraid to hear, I was breaking. My world stopped. I hardly build my strength to step in and say my last good bye. But when I finally saw you in that dark coffin, my defense was so useless. It's gone. I try to smile, but I failed. My tears beat me so easy. I got kicked by my own tears. Blame it for I couldn't give you my smile for the last time.
There, I saw your family, especially your big brother and your mom. Your mom loss you, her handsome son who always love her (that's what you always told me) and always want to make her happy. Your brother loss you, his little brother that often make him mad because of the adventurer soul inside of you. For real, they love you so damn much.
I never knew that I could be this shattered because of losing you. My heart that you've broken into pieces few years ago breaking into more little pieces, that I don't have the power to pick it all up. I can't fix it into one whole piece anymore. It will stay pieces.
I tell you something that will make you smirk even bigger. I just realized, I never stop caring for you. All of this time, I learn to care for you from where I stand, never try to own you and learn to live without you around. And I do get used to it. I'm doing extra fine. But the moment you stop breathing, it's the moment I realized that finally I lose you for real, forever.
It's been 3 days since you left this world, off to heaven. But, those memories keep popping out, like a popping christmas card, that I don't felt like doing anything, except crying and writing. Now, you're probably mad at me because I'm so drowned. I know, you hate me for crying. I don't even know how I can put away all of this tears and try to smile again. I don't know. But I promise you, I'll smile again. Soon.
your sister..your friend..your fighting rival..
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