Leaking conversation...

Too confused to decide whether to march on a protest or to accept the fact that I'm not done learning. To have to go through the same thing all over again tear me apart. The fact that I've been through it with every breath that I had and now it's repeating, scares the hell out of me. And the fact that I have sensitivity level above the average is not helping at all. My only reaction was crying. Yes, I cried. Like a baby. He knew this crying thing is bound to happen. Eventually, He might say. But that don't make Him love me any less. Same with me, I don't love Him any less. The deep down inside my heart still believe, He meant well. If He said I'm not done yet, then I just have to get up and learn again. Easier said than done, I know. But knowing that if I ever felt tired, I can totally run to Him, put me on ease. He just know how to send extra strength. Or maybe that's what the Bible always said, He won't give anything more than I can handle.

The last couple of years I learn through myself, He's the one who give it, so He is the one who will take it back when it's time. And when it's time, trust that He already prepared something even better. But if only for this one I can make a request, once I'm done with this lesson, Lord please let me move on.

People simply see that I'm happier, from the outside. But sometimes I forgot and they didn't know. My face will always put fine to whatever I felt inside. I tend to hide it almost perfectly. But everytime I got the seconds to think, I know that I'm tougher now. But bitter. But sharper. Often I hurt people with my words.

I don't want to blame it to my surroundings. I blame myself. Because I'm the one who decide my surroundings, who I choose to be friends. No matter how constantly I said I won't be affected, but automatically people around me are those who sculpt me into who I am now. So lately I keep shouting to myself, choose your friends wisely!