I don't know how

There’s a saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone”

Problem is I know what I have but I don’t know what I would do if it’s gone.

I thought it would be like wave crashing the beach.

It might hurt but it won’t be that bad.

But as it was happening, felt like what I’ve been holding on to started to fade away

I was crippled.

My world teared apart with me not having a say at all.

Everything went down in front of my own eyes,

And I can do nothing

Two loves.

All my life, most of my decision, I considered people around me so much because they matter to me.

But for the first time I made a decision solely based on me.

I put aside everyone’s and basically choose myself.

I was scared but I just knew what I had to do.

I needed to walk away.

I knew but it didn’t make it any easier. It’s still hard.

I had it hard.

But I wasn’t the only one going through that part.

They had it hard too. Unavoidably.

From my very first day, you’ve always been the two who worried the most.

As I decided to walk away, I added another one. Another hard time.

I knew you worried a lot.

Worried if my decision turn out to fail me.

And I knew it’s not the only thing.

I knew you had to listen to people’s words.

The world’s opinions towards me.

I knew for some people, I’m a failure and at some point it affected you.

Those words, those opinions, I could always walk away from it.

Even if I want, I could throw tantrum at them.

You wouldn’t. You couldn’t.

I’m sorry I made you go through the hard part.

I thought I had it hard, but you had it hard too. 

Thank you for always sticking with me.

Not even once you turn your back on me. Never.

You even let me walk with my own pace.

You let me do what I wanted to do.

Even when I selfishly decided to run away for a while, be with myself. You still went along with it.

You knew I was having it hard and trying your best to understand.

You remind me that everything will be just fine.

Even if it’s not, you’d still be there for me. Every time.

I’m doing better now. I won’t be if it weren’t for you.

Still people won’t stop. The oblige feeling of assessing me will keep on going.

You’ll still have to listen to it.

But I promise, I’ll make both of you proud for having me.

I will stay. I will wait.

I once said I’ll stay

Now everything slowly look crumbled,

I realized this will be tough

I’m not trying to say I give up. Never

Even if I have to crawl just so I can always be by your side, I’ll do

Even if I only have seconds to catch my breath, I don’t care

I’ll breath and run to catch on my steps with yours right after that seconds.

I will be there with you.

I once said you don’t have all the time in the world

Because you bound to loose at some point

But for you, I’ll say this, take all the time in the world that you need

I will wait for you, even if it might take forever.

I will wait for you, even if it hurts so bad,

because of missing you every single day.

It’s ok, I’ll be fine. Just promise me, you’ll be fine too.

In case you don’t know yet. Yes, you’re that precious.

I’ll remind you every time if I have to.

You’re the one that I needed when I least expect it

You showed up as the example I never thought I need

You’re the living proof of true to yourself looks like