the one that won't go away

I predicted this

I had the clue

I knew one day I’d say

you are the one that got away

Prediction can’t stop me from doing it

neither from being hurt

nor from losing the precious

Now I have to pay the prize

The one that I don’t want to feel

The one that I don’t want to admit

It is the one that won’t go away

It perfectly stay.

Quote (1)

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.

Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

 

-Mother Teresa-

 

 

Ps : taken from www.goodreads.com

Untitled

Aku dan kamu pernah bersama. Kita pernah berbagi tawa. Kita pernah satu iya, satu kata. Kita pernah. Tapi kini kita berhenti di satu titik, dan menyadari kita memandang ke arah yang berlawanan. Berbeda pandang. Berbeda pendapat. Kita tidak lagi seiya, sekata. Mungkin karena kita tak lagi semudah dulu menyatukan kata. Mungkin kita masing-masing berubah dan menjauh. Mungkin karena aku yang tak pahami kamu. Mungkin karena kamu yang tak pahami aku. Mungkin kita memang pada akhirnya menyadari kita tak lagi saling mengisi. Mungkin.
Mungkin karena aku yang tak pernah menyampaikan sedikit pun padamu. Mungkin karena aku terbiasa menyimpan rapat. Mungkin karena aku lupa bagaimana harus berkata menyampaikan yang salah, yang tersesak.
Mungkin karena kamu?
Aku tak berniat memaparkan masing-masing salah. Aku hanya ingin mengakui dan menyampaikan maaf. Maaf karena aku belum cukup jadi pengaruh baik bagimu. Maaf karena aku hanya diam. Maaf karena di tengah perjalanan, kita berhenti saling paham. Aku ingin kamu bahagia. Aku ingin kamu tersenyum senang. Aku ingin kamu dapatkan yang lebih baik, yang terbaik.

A letter.

Hai kamu, ..

Sebelum kamu mulai membaca dan terjebak di antara kata-kata, aku ingin kamu tahu aku tidak ada niat memaksa atau mengharapkan iba. Satu-satu nya yang aku lakukan hanyalah menyampaikan yang sekian lama tersimpan. Aku hanya ingin menepati janji yang pernah aku ciptakan. Janji kalau kamu akan tahu semua.

Terima kasih karna kamu sudah begitu pasrah ketika aku paksa membaca ini. Seandainya kamu tahu,  aku habiskan begitu banyak waktu yang aku punya untuk merangkai, menulis dan membulatkan tekad menyampaikannya kepadamu.  Seandainya kamu tahu, sudah cukup lama ini ingin aku sampaikan langsung kepada yang  berwenang, kamu. Seandainya kamu tahu, kamu yang belakangan bertahta di hati aku.

Ya. Dan sekarang pun kamu jadi tahu semua.

Tahta? Hati? Tenang, kamu tidak salah membaca setiap kata. Aku memang tidak pernah mengucapkan langsung di depanmu. Rasa ini hadir entah sejak kapan, entah untuk alasan apa. Bukan hanya kamu yang bertanya, aku pun  mungkin sudah lelah mencari jawaban. Aku pernah mencoba menutup rasa dan membiarkannya sendiri di salah satu pojok hati, berharap akan menguap dan pergi. Tapi rasa tak berminat untuk sedikit pun mengalah. Bahkan mengaku lelah pun tidak. Pada akhirnya aku yang menyerah dan membiarkan semua rasa  berjalalan begitu saja. Ya, pada akhirnya aku mengakui aku telah jatuh hati pada mu. Aku sayang kamu. Titik.

Maaf. Maaf karena aku belum bisa mengucapkan setiap kata ini langsung di hadapan kamu. Kamu tahu aku. Aku lebih cerdik menulis rangkaian kata  daripada mengucapkannya. Kamu tahu aku. Suara ini akan terdengar bergetar setiap kali aku gugup, dan menyampaikan semua ini kepada kamu melebihi tingkatan gugup. Maaf karena aku tidak bisa ada di samping ketika kamu membaca semua. Aku ingin. Aku mencoba berbagai cara. Aku tak juga berhasil. Maaf karena kejujuran aku kali ini mampu membuat kamu kehabisan kata lebih dari biasanya. Sejak awal aku hanya ingin menyampaikan rasa ini kepadamu, jadi aku tidak akan memaksa kamu untuk berkata.

Terima kasih buat semua waktu yang kamu pasrahkan untuk mendengar cerita dan keluh kesah aku. Mungkin masih akan ada gemuruh gerutu aku selama kamu masih pasrah. Tapi untuk semua yang sudah terjadi, terima kasih.

 

Aku.

Hey you!

I actually never thought that this will go this far. All this things been bothering me too much. It looks like that I have to pronounce it to you since you can’t simply read it properly. Just so you know, I don’t exactly know when it started to appear. I did ask myself, I did write down the time table, yet I found myself feeling a deep incapability of counting. Suddenly I’m math-less. Looked like I spend too much time in figuring out what’s really happening to me. And all I do was asking, asking and asking. I’m actually tired with those questions inside my mind. I’m tired of waiting for you to come. I’m tired of waiting for you to learn to read things properly. So listen to me carefully because I won’t repeat it.

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Untitled

Showing off so hard to others that you're happy, only means that you need others acknowledgement about your happiness. You're not actually happy.

scratch

It's no one night decision

It's bugging me for ages

Keep banging on my door

I don't do drama

and I don't need one

when I just need you to be right here

I need to make it out as words

I need you, this last time, to simply listen

For whatever the end, happiness or sadness

I know I'll stay intact

Go on make me cry, soon I'll be aright

Go on break me, soon I'll be okay

Go on kick out your best no, soon I'll be simply fine

Just let me come forward, come all clean

thank you, little heart...

Little heart, please stay one

Don't break now

Don't give up today

I know you work so hard

Just to make it still

Keeping it a piece

You did brave

You've done great

Keep on breaking was never easy

And the way you stand until today,

you're strong

Just one more breaking,

and you're done

You've been through a lot worse

If it's better to cry it out, do it

If it's better to step aside, do it

If it's better to be alone, do it

Promise me, you'll stand and finally smile

No scar can bring you down too long

Little heart, thank you for the big strength

Thank you for every piece of smile

Thank you for not giving up every time you break

Thank you for being stronger than the owner, me.

(no title)

There's nothing I could do to you

to make you believe, to make you see

to let you know what you mean to me

I am just too late.

Can't breathe every time I remember

I made you go far away, forever

I let you down

The unspoken words was everything that left

without a gut

If only I could turn it all around

I would be telling you

You're the one thing that I want

You've been busy keeping me together

not letting me fall apart

You've been wiping off my tears

Sticking me only with laughs

I know I got it right when I let you inside

And I was stupid when I let you go

every time

Never reckon the burden inside

But standing a minute in front of you

simply enough to denude me

enough to hit me

I've been keeping too deep

I've been keeping for only me

 

No matter how hard the world

It will always between me and you

What matter for me is you

When the world punch me in the face

You're there beside me then I’ll be fine

When the world talks about how bad I am

You don’t need to hear any because you see every

When the world kicks me out

I don’t care, it’s not my home

You're my place to go home, every time

 

Remind me each of these, every time.

I only have You.

I used to laugh when people talk about it

Easily run off from it

But when I tell You, I'm out of strength.

I lean my head, put the remaining me

I gave up in front of You

And I cry. And I stop. And I cry. And I stop.

I tell You because I have no other place

I have no one to share

I only got You to be my grip

You're my trust

You're the only one who knew me

You know I'm tired

Freakingly exhausted

Laughing and breaking at the same time

You know I did try.

You know, I only have You.

out of words

My words used to be covered inside

I shield every of it

Let people think thousands of thoughts

My words never got out bluntly

I keep it unnoticed

Let people assume anything

But I start losing my coolness

The idea of you not knowing any, kill me

The idea of me not saying it bluntly, drain me

I don’t know will you ever know

Will you ever notice.

Suddenly, I’m out of ideas to simply express

The supposed-to-be-most-important moment to make it blunt, I'm outta words.

for you....

Dear you,

You never expect things to be too far

Never expect you're going to be stupid

But don't you dare blame your feelings

You're the controller

For whatever the mistake you made,

blame yourself.

Fix yourself

But don’t get drown

You're the controller, you're the fixer

Your heart's way too beautiful to get stupid

You said he wouldn't do such things

You said he wouldn't dare to hurt you

Keep this in your head,

if he's kind, he wouldn't be stupidly selfish

if he's smart, he wouldn't use his feeling over his head

if he's absolutely normal, he wouldn't torture you like now

if he's gentle, he wouldn't come and go every time he want to

You might follow your feeling, but don't forget to bring your mind along

You'll be fine. I know you will.

One

ONE promise

ONE that I don't want to mess

ONE that I tend to kept

The ONE day I decide to do it,

I blew it, perfectly

While I fight with my mind,

there you are.

My every question of how

answered in that ONE moment

But it's just too late

I got shocked

Lost my magical words

Dilated eyes and wide open mouth

While my heart was screaming out loud

My shocked just took away my ONE chance

Loosing words blew away my ONE chance

I said nothing, not even ONE word.

I can only watch you walk away.

And I regret it for the rest of the day.

Oh, crap!

MMG's tale!!

Once upon a time there was this bunch of human being. They were in some kind of friendship business. It started because of nothing really important. Simple reason. Same gadget. So, you can say that they're hooked by technology. It's growing from four to six. their silly-sometimes-went-out-so-crazy mind connected so easy. From serious thoughts up to stupid freaky jokes. They shared their tears, angers, and laughs. They share lots. They're not the same. Even too far away from identical, I said. But the differences was the one that hooked them together.

logika nya rasa.. rasa nya logika..

sejauh mata memandang

kamu biasanya bukan siapa-siapa

aku tidak akan biarkan kamu seenaknya bertahta

aku tak ingin lagi ada luka

aku sendiri yang akan menjaga

meski seisi jagat rasa harus berdebat dengan logika yang tersisa

 

sejauh logika berkata

kamu terbiasa jadi bayangan

tak ingin jadi nyata

kamu ada tapi tak ingin terlihat

aku habis cara buat kamu percaya

rasa tak cukup berguna jika hanya terdiam

 

sejauh rasa ingin mengakui

kamu tampak terlalu dekat untuk diingkari

nyatanya kamu lah pengganggu hati

aku bertahan tapi ingin berhenti

seolah tak peduli aku mungkin tersakiti

logika menyerah terinjak rasa

logika mendadak kalah

If I just let you go.....

Day after day

time just passed away

I just can't get you off my mind

Nobody knows, I hide it inside

I keep on searching but I can't find

the courage to show to letting you know

I've never felt so much love before

I'm thinking about taking the easy way out

 

But if I let you go, I will never know

What my life would be holding you close to me

Will I ever see you smiling back at me?

How will I know, if I let you go?

 

 

Night after night I hear myself say

Why can't this feeling just fade away

There's no one like you

You speak to my heart

It's such a shame we're worlds apart

 

I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose

But sooner or later I gotta choose

 

And once again I'm thinking about

taking the easy way out

But how will I know, if I let you go?

Need you now

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now

 

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now

 

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

Maybe. Just maybe....

You're seconds away from losing me, dear.

Yes. You don't have to deal with me. Finally.

I'm done choosing.

I choose to stay away from you.

I choose not to hurt the friendship.

You're the greatest friend that I could've ask for.

Thank you for always listening

to my babble.

to my tears.

to my anger.

You're there, you always there.

That, I can't thank enough.

I can't talk to you while the unstoppable drum roll playing in my heart

I can't be by your side while having a hard time to control my mouth

I can't be whole-hearted friend while my heart keep on rattle when you're around

I just can't.

If this has to reach an end, a simple period

let me be the one taking those thousands steps away.

By then, maybe one day, I'll finally say those magical words.

The one reason I walking away.

Maybe.

You are........

You're the one who used to turn my blue in to yellow

Cheer me away from my mellow

You're smilling in my anger

Suck but it soothe me, somehow

You're my sanity in my lunacy

Knowing the only way to cope me is doing the contrary

You're one and you're the only

Clearly!

For sure it's not about my mind anymore

It's about you and your falter

Bye!

Here I am, struggling with my self

Here I am, can't let my self drowning

Slumped in another river of fragility

Hysterically, I want to shout it

But lately, I did tell you

through a whisper up to a clear noise

Yet, you don't realized any of it

Or you don't want to hear it

Or you pretend to be deaf

Or you just way too senseless

Or probably all of those reasons

I know all of it

Still, I miss you, bad.

And I'm going to feel this way even longer

I don't want to regret any of my words

So I better shut my mouth

And stop telling you how much I missed.

Bye!

If..

"If he didn't chase you when you walk away,all you need is just keep walking"

 

Should I walk away?

Is it the time for me to just let it go?

Or should I stay?

Are you really worth for my every struggle?