Hey, you - part 2 ( I miss you )

Wow, I wrote nothing for months!

The last time I wrote something, I wrote about my sort of goodbye to you.

Somehow, right now I want to write this to you.

This is the sign of.....? Oowww,this is the sign of how much I miss you!!

Hey you..Yes, you! I miss you. Are you rockin up there? Acting like what you used to be?

I can only imagine you're smiling..Happy, for sure.

I know you're way up up there and I'm way down down here. We're in our each world. Different world. But, it can't stop me from saying I miss you.I miss our argument. I miss our fight. I miss how annoying you could be.

At least, if you can't hear me, God hear. And He'll definitely pass my message to you. Be good in our Father's house, okay!

And by the way, I'm doing fine. I can smile and laugh as big as I used to. Though I can't prevent those popping memories. Sometimes, they just popping out and push me to remember.

But, I can deal with it. No problema.

One day. I'll see you again.

Hey, you...

Hey, you..
You must be happy up there. Felt no more pain. Quiet a contrary with us down here. We still have to deal with this non-easy feeling of losing you, including me. I just never thought it would be this hard. You must be so flattered to see me sad like this. You must be showing your smirk right now. Most of the times I felt like crying. But I hold it hard, I keep it inside. I even got a new hobby, biting my lower lip just to hold the tears. Because every time I shed those tears, I can't stop. It pours down like a water fall.
I just never thought it would be this fast.When I heard the news, I thought it's just your typical little crashes. So I never thought much of it. Until the next day when I heard that you're in a coma. Unconscious. Suddenly I can't stop shaking. I was so speechless. I felt so boneless. My mind flying around separated from my body. I want to cry, but those tears wouldn't come out because there were just too many people at that moment. Right from that moment, I can get distract easily when I remembered you. In this case, it's often.
I want to see you. I don't care whether some said the fact that you're in a coma, you couldn't do anything. You got no response. But, I just want to saw you. What I don't know that deep inside I was so afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid when I see how bad you hurt, all the hope for your cure suddenly gone, because I don't have that big ego to see you live and suffered.
When I got the news that I've been so afraid to hear, I was breaking. My world stopped. I hardly build my strength to step in and say my last good bye. But when I finally saw you in that dark coffin, my defense was so useless. It's gone. I try to smile, but I failed. My tears beat me so easy. I got kicked by my own tears. Blame it for I couldn't give you my smile for the last time.
There, I saw your family, especially your big brother and your mom. Your mom loss you, her handsome son who always love her (that's what you always told me) and always want to make her happy. Your brother loss you, his little brother that often make him mad because of the adventurer soul inside of you. For real, they love you so damn much.
I never knew that I could be this shattered because of losing you. My heart that you've broken into pieces few years ago breaking into more little pieces, that I don't have the power to pick it all up. I can't fix it into one whole piece anymore. It will stay pieces.
I tell you something that will make you smirk even bigger. I just realized, I never stop caring for you. All of this time, I learn to care for you from where I stand, never try to own you and learn to live without you around. And I do get used to it. I'm doing extra fine. But the moment you stop breathing, it's the moment I realized that finally I lose you for real, forever.
It's been 3 days since you left this world, off to heaven. But, those memories keep popping out, like a popping christmas card, that I don't felt like doing anything, except crying and writing. Now, you're probably mad at me because I'm so drowned. I know, you hate me for crying. I don't even know how I can put away all of this tears and try to smile again. I don't know. But I promise you, I'll smile again. Soon.

your sister..your friend..your fighting rival..

Don't sleep too long..

It supposed to be a simple pray
to send my strength for you
I failed
I gave up
Suddenly, tears flooded
I don't have the chance to hold it
I don't even have the power to control
Nor to stop it

Don't sleep too long...
Please, wake up pretty soon
Don't let everybody drown in tears...
Please come back possibly soon

I want you here!
I'm not done yelling
I haven't say my sorry for the last time I was mad
So, you better wake up
Hurry, wake up!!


(for a friend.. a brother..)

Dear you,.....

Dear you,

No one ever told you to play me

No one ever told you to even try me

No one ever told you to mess with me

 

Now that you decide to play

And trying to mess

Let me tell you something,

I have nothing to do with revenge

Nor pay back

Because I know that beautiful sunny day will come

The day you'll face your own karma

Karma that you pathetically deserved

Karma's a bitch

So, shut up

Face it

And......do enjoy!

 

Best regards,

Me, the one that you always love to mess with

Part 1

Only minutes away from having random conversation with you

Probably a useless and unimportant one

But deep down, it’s simply what I want

For you to know a little bit something each day

By then, one day, you’ll realize what I want

I can only wish that one day won’t be too late

bend over you, BOSSY!

You stand right there

Can't stop yourself from yelling to everybody

You give me quite a pathetic show

When people say "yes"

And just go along with you acting so bossy

Suddenly it starts dramatically funny

When people start waking

Realize you're way too bossy

And your bossy thingy are nothing

They start to left you

Let you alone yelling with no one listening

Seriously, you look so dumb right now.

 

Ps : Special dedication for those who freakingly love being bossy. Much love from me, dear.

No longer my home...

I used to feel safe that no one can break me down, because it's the foundation of mine.

I used to feel comfort that everytime the world starts to look so upside down, I'd always run to it.

It's no longer the place that I used to call home.

 

It used to be the place where I can always laugh while on the inside I was crying

It used to be the place where I magically can forget tons of my negative thought and be positive.

It's no longer the place that I used to call home.

 

Now it's not laugh anymore, it's me shedding out my tears.

Now it's not smile anymore, it's me putting out my grim face.

 

I change. They change. People change.

It supposed to be normal. But turn out, it hurts me.

I missed the old days, when laughing was as easy as breathing.

I missed the old times, when communicating was as simple as talking.

 

I'm losing all. It's just enough. I began to numb. I concede.