She...

What crossed people's mind when they look at her...
Did she look so tough and hard?
Did she look so arrogant?
Did she look so unapproachable?
Yes she did.
She is indeed tough, hard, arrogant, and unapproachable.
It's her way of protecting herself from getting another hurt.
But did they know?
She's sensitive that it's way so easy to torn her in to pieces.

Go tell something bad about her, she'll give you the "I don't care" face.
But at the same time she starts breaking on the inside.

Go make her friends's back turn away from her, she'll give the "I'm fine" look.
But at the same time she can't even hold herself up.

Go make her fall for you and dump her right away, she'll yell at you.
But at the same time she's actually drowning.

Outside, she is tough.
Inside, she is anything but tough.

So don't think everything went easy for her just by putting her tough face.
She thinks too much that sometimes she can't even stand right.
You think you know, but you don't know.

berhenti. di kamu.

Setiap kali kamu ada

Aku tak bisa hanya diam

Semua rasa lepas bercerita

Sedih..senang..marah

Aku selalu ingin bercerita

Meski tak semua nyatanya tertumpah

Satu yang tertahan tersimpan

"Aku cintanya kamu........."

 

Ini aku yang lambat tersadar

Kamu punya tempat tak terganti

Ini aku yang teramat menyesal

Terlambat mengerti rasa ini apa

Ini aku yang sangat bersalah

Terlalu sibuk bertanya mengapa

Ini aku yang tak bisa memutar kembali waktu

Ini aku yang ingin berteriak perlahan

"Hatiku berhenti di kamu......"

 

Berharap kamu tak sengaja membaca ini

Berharap kamu akan mengerti

Ada hati yang ingin sekali berbisik

"Kamu adalah kesalahanku yang paling benar.."

my life NOT yours!

I walk my life where I feel comfort
I walk my life based on my choice
I walk my life and the risk is mine
I decide where to go
I decide what to do
I decide whom I trust

But somehow you keep on forgetting
Try to criticize but can't accept any criticism
Try to judge rather than to listen
Criticize my life some other time,
Judge my path some other time,
When you're proper enough to be a good model
When you finally perfect enough to be a good example

It's my life not yours
It's my path not yours
You have nothing to do in my life
Keep that in your shallow mind!!

Am tired.

The long path that I've to get through, I'm successfully tired.

Tired of pleasing people. Tired of succumbing.

Tired of being unselfish. Tired of the surrounding.

There are times when I really want to say, "I'm tired!"

But now, I want to scream it out.

Can I lay a rest, put down everything for a while?

Leaving me a while with my own voice

A little time to please my self.

Leaving me a while with my selfishness

A little time to do what I want

I used to listen to you. But now, you're just soundless.

I just don't care.

Two-Faced

I am out of understanding for you. And definitely sick of you. Give me one good reason why I should keep on understanding you.

YES. You can't!

Unfortunately you can't give me any. Because you're born to have those angelic face, make us thought that we treated you so damn bad. Feel guilty. While inside, you're laughing out loud at how stupid we are.

No matter how hard you put those mask, faking those smile.. slowly, people will sense your stink.

Watch your face. Watch your smile. Watch your step. You might fall. Because eventually you will fall. Two-faced never last long!!

Sunday, August 21 2011

Just a minute ago my reminder went on.. Your birthday reminder that I forgot to turn off forever. Tears suddenly crash my cheek without any of my permission. Yes, I cried. Yes, I still missed.

Happy birthday, dear brother. Glad that you're happy in heaven now. Yet, you're deeply missed. But don't you ever try to come down here, because you're much much much better with Him, who's taking care of you up there.

There still miles to go for me before we meet again one day. Better stick the memory of me in your head. I'm going to kick you if you're forgetting me.

 

:)

Ngimpi

All late chit chat did scratch out the hidden smile

Those are the moment filled with colour

Those are the moment I felt comfort

Never I really ask inside

Never I really figure out what's going on

I let those questions find their own answer

Because I'm way too afraid

Afraid of the unexpected answer

Can you just be the one who convince me?

Just to tell me those are real

Those are exist

You are there, in front of me!

(Tú eres mi búho)

Thank YOU!

Thank YOU

Just a little while longer I wanna pray

Can't get You off my mind so I came to say

Thank You, Lord just for loving me

Many times as I do forget

Every need that You have met

Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me

You are there when I am down and out

You're holding me, Your love is so amazing

Oh it changed me

Chorus:

Here I am with all I am

Raise my hands to worship You

I wanna say thank you, oh thank you

For everything, for who You are

You cover me, You touch my heart

I wanna say thank you

I could have died in my sin but You saved me

Didn't have any hope at all

You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on

I should have been the one to pay

But instead You took my place

My Jesus, words cannot explain

Even though I don't deserve Your love for me

You look beyond my fault and You showed mercy

Chorus ...

I wanna say thank you for the sun

I wanna say thank you for the rain

Everything You do is beautiful

I'm so grateful for Your love

(Video courtesy : YouTube)

Do you know what was happening?
Do you know what was the reason?
Have you ever asked the simplest, "why?" ?

NO.

You don't know
You don't asked
You don't even try to find out

NO.

You mark me
You think I'm lazy
Acting rebellious
Indeed you equalize everything as inexcusable

Do you know at that moment I was falling?
Do you know at that moment I was crumbling?
Do you know at that moment I barely could stand?

NO. You don't know because you never ask.
NO. You prefer to be the judge because it's easier.

NO.

NO.

P.U.S.H.

I just read this post in a blog (actually it's in Indonesia. I just translate it)...

When we pray for something over and over again, it's not because HE didn't hear our prayers, but HE wants us to keep talking to HIM.

HE would rather hear your story, spend time with you. HE will give whatever you ask for, as long as it makes you closer and trust Him more. HE won't give something that makes you away from HIM.

Ask anything.

Don’t stop if it is good.

Pray every wish.

If that wish will make you closer to HIM, HE will surely give

HE would rather be near to hear your story than just easily give you what you ask even though HE can certainly give whatever it is.

Keep on praying.

kamu, kamu, kamu ...

Hei kamu,

Kamu terlalu sering bersinggungan dengan bagian hidupku dan aku bergeming. Tak pernah sedikit pun terpikirkan kamu. Tapi itu dulu. Ketika kedua mata dan benak ini belum dipenuhi gemintang. Sekarang, jarak yang teramat jauh pun sanggup membuat hatiku berdegup kencang hanya dengan mengingat kamu. Terkadang melonjak menyadari ketika kamu mendekat. Mataku lekat memandang kamu, tak berniat sedikitpun untuk berkedip. Lekat tak ingin melihat kamu menghilang. Mungkin bayangan kamu pun sanggup membahagiakan aku. Ingatan tentang kamu pun mampu membuat aku bernafas lemah. Aku tak tahu kamu mampu membuat aku sebergetar ini. Sehebat itu kamu di mataku kini.

Seakan tak ingin membiarkan pikiranku kosong, kamu selalu hadir di setiap detik luang ku. Membayangi setiap langkah ku. Memenjarakan dirimu sendiri di pikiranku. Tak membiarkan apapun dan siapapun merenggut tahta kamu di benakku.

Kamukah yang mengirimkan semua bintang yang kini bernaung di hatiku? Kamukah yang melontarkan doa agar aku tanpa daya seperti ini? Kamu, kamu, kamukah itu?

Sampai kapan kamu akan membuat aku melayang, bermain dengan sisa hati ku? Akankah kembali berakhir sama? Kamu kah yang berikutnya, yang menghempaskan aku ketika sudah melayang begitu jauh?

Anganku berharap jangan kamu. Sadarku pun memohon bukan kamu. Tetaplah bertahta di sini, menghuni penjara hati. Kamu yang harus bertanggung jawab untuk senyum yang kerap muncul tiba-tiba. Bertanggung jawab untuk semu merah yang kini setia meronai pipi. Jadi aku pinta kamu jangan pergi.

kamu dan aku, BUKAN kita!

Kita seharusnya memang tidak ada.

Kamu dan aku, itu saja.

Tapi kita terlalu egois mengait mimpi.

Menutup mata dari mereka yang tersakiti.

Bertahan lama tanpa akhir.

Sekarang kita tersadar, ini salah.

Kita seharusnya menjauh berpisah.

Rasa kita semakin menyakiti mereka.

Aku berhenti bukan karena rasa ini habis.

Aku berhenti bukan karena aku ingin.

Aku berhenti karena aku harus menepi.

Karena aku tak lagi punya hati untuk terus melukai.

Kita akan jadi kesalahan terindah yang pernah kurasa.

Kita akan jadi kenangan yang selalu kukunci rapat.

Kita akan selamanya jadi mimpi terindah.

Kamu adalah mimpi

Selama ini kamu hanya kamu di kedua mata ini.

Puluhan kali melihat kamu tanpa melibatkan hati.

Tapi hari ini duniaku memilih lain.

Kamu berbeda, mendadak punya tempat tersendiri.

Aku diam hanya bisa memandangi.

Bukan kehabisan kata.

Aku terlalu lelah habis tenaga.

Kamu seakan jadi penghisap jiwa.

Yang mampu buat aku tercengang,

yang mampu buat detak hati berlari kencang.

Lengkap sudah aku melayang.

Hati mungkin meluluh, tapi benak ku masih menyisakan sadar.

Aku berhenti di rasa ini.

Aku tak mau lagi terluka karena satu hal semu.

Bagi aku, kamu hanya jadi yang terpendam.

Kamu yang terindah bagi mimpi ku.

Kamu yang terbaik bagi khayal ku.

Kamu yang terhebat bagi imajinasiku.

Tapi kamu bukan nyata bagi aku.

Kamu selalu berarti, dan selamanya kamu adalah mimpi.

Believe.....

I once said...

When you fall or even fail, don't you ever give up. You may rest, but don't stop.

When you have dreams, go reach. Never let anyone blur your faith.

 

When people doubt you, someone don't.

When people blame your faith, someone don't.

When people leave, someone stay.

Sounds cliche, but that someone wants you to learn.

Learn to be tough.

Learn to stand up for your believes.

 

When you don't believe,

or he stop believe,

or she can't believe,

or even I rest my believe in you,

HE believes in you,

always and never stop believe in you.

 

Hold your head up for HE never fail.

Stand up for HE never dissapointing.

Today you cry, one day you'll smile

and you'll understand your today's tears.

One sweet day

" Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you. '
Cause you've flown away, so far away.

Never, had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feelin' and knowing you hear me.
It keeps me alive. Alive!

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

............................................................................

............................................................................

............................................................................

.........................................................................."

 

 

 

Ps : You've been greatly missed by us :')

Hey, you - part 2 ( I miss you )

Wow, I wrote nothing for months!

The last time I wrote something, I wrote about my sort of goodbye to you.

Somehow, right now I want to write this to you.

This is the sign of.....? Oowww,this is the sign of how much I miss you!!

Hey you..Yes, you! I miss you. Are you rockin up there? Acting like what you used to be?

I can only imagine you're smiling..Happy, for sure.

I know you're way up up there and I'm way down down here. We're in our each world. Different world. But, it can't stop me from saying I miss you.I miss our argument. I miss our fight. I miss how annoying you could be.

At least, if you can't hear me, God hear. And He'll definitely pass my message to you. Be good in our Father's house, okay!

And by the way, I'm doing fine. I can smile and laugh as big as I used to. Though I can't prevent those popping memories. Sometimes, they just popping out and push me to remember.

But, I can deal with it. No problema.

One day. I'll see you again.

Hey, you...

Hey, you..
You must be happy up there. Felt no more pain. Quiet a contrary with us down here. We still have to deal with this non-easy feeling of losing you, including me. I just never thought it would be this hard. You must be so flattered to see me sad like this. You must be showing your smirk right now. Most of the times I felt like crying. But I hold it hard, I keep it inside. I even got a new hobby, biting my lower lip just to hold the tears. Because every time I shed those tears, I can't stop. It pours down like a water fall.
I just never thought it would be this fast.When I heard the news, I thought it's just your typical little crashes. So I never thought much of it. Until the next day when I heard that you're in a coma. Unconscious. Suddenly I can't stop shaking. I was so speechless. I felt so boneless. My mind flying around separated from my body. I want to cry, but those tears wouldn't come out because there were just too many people at that moment. Right from that moment, I can get distract easily when I remembered you. In this case, it's often.
I want to see you. I don't care whether some said the fact that you're in a coma, you couldn't do anything. You got no response. But, I just want to saw you. What I don't know that deep inside I was so afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid when I see how bad you hurt, all the hope for your cure suddenly gone, because I don't have that big ego to see you live and suffered.
When I got the news that I've been so afraid to hear, I was breaking. My world stopped. I hardly build my strength to step in and say my last good bye. But when I finally saw you in that dark coffin, my defense was so useless. It's gone. I try to smile, but I failed. My tears beat me so easy. I got kicked by my own tears. Blame it for I couldn't give you my smile for the last time.
There, I saw your family, especially your big brother and your mom. Your mom loss you, her handsome son who always love her (that's what you always told me) and always want to make her happy. Your brother loss you, his little brother that often make him mad because of the adventurer soul inside of you. For real, they love you so damn much.
I never knew that I could be this shattered because of losing you. My heart that you've broken into pieces few years ago breaking into more little pieces, that I don't have the power to pick it all up. I can't fix it into one whole piece anymore. It will stay pieces.
I tell you something that will make you smirk even bigger. I just realized, I never stop caring for you. All of this time, I learn to care for you from where I stand, never try to own you and learn to live without you around. And I do get used to it. I'm doing extra fine. But the moment you stop breathing, it's the moment I realized that finally I lose you for real, forever.
It's been 3 days since you left this world, off to heaven. But, those memories keep popping out, like a popping christmas card, that I don't felt like doing anything, except crying and writing. Now, you're probably mad at me because I'm so drowned. I know, you hate me for crying. I don't even know how I can put away all of this tears and try to smile again. I don't know. But I promise you, I'll smile again. Soon.

your sister..your friend..your fighting rival..

Don't sleep too long..

It supposed to be a simple pray
to send my strength for you
I failed
I gave up
Suddenly, tears flooded
I don't have the chance to hold it
I don't even have the power to control
Nor to stop it

Don't sleep too long...
Please, wake up pretty soon
Don't let everybody drown in tears...
Please come back possibly soon

I want you here!
I'm not done yelling
I haven't say my sorry for the last time I was mad
So, you better wake up
Hurry, wake up!!


(for a friend.. a brother..)

Dear you,.....

Dear you,

No one ever told you to play me

No one ever told you to even try me

No one ever told you to mess with me

 

Now that you decide to play

And trying to mess

Let me tell you something,

I have nothing to do with revenge

Nor pay back

Because I know that beautiful sunny day will come

The day you'll face your own karma

Karma that you pathetically deserved

Karma's a bitch

So, shut up

Face it

And......do enjoy!

 

Best regards,

Me, the one that you always love to mess with

Part 1

Only minutes away from having random conversation with you

Probably a useless and unimportant one

But deep down, it’s simply what I want

For you to know a little bit something each day

By then, one day, you’ll realize what I want

I can only wish that one day won’t be too late

bend over you, BOSSY!

You stand right there

Can't stop yourself from yelling to everybody

You give me quite a pathetic show

When people say "yes"

And just go along with you acting so bossy

Suddenly it starts dramatically funny

When people start waking

Realize you're way too bossy

And your bossy thingy are nothing

They start to left you

Let you alone yelling with no one listening

Seriously, you look so dumb right now.

 

Ps : Special dedication for those who freakingly love being bossy. Much love from me, dear.

No longer my home...

I used to feel safe that no one can break me down, because it's the foundation of mine.

I used to feel comfort that everytime the world starts to look so upside down, I'd always run to it.

It's no longer the place that I used to call home.

 

It used to be the place where I can always laugh while on the inside I was crying

It used to be the place where I magically can forget tons of my negative thought and be positive.

It's no longer the place that I used to call home.

 

Now it's not laugh anymore, it's me shedding out my tears.

Now it's not smile anymore, it's me putting out my grim face.

 

I change. They change. People change.

It supposed to be normal. But turn out, it hurts me.

I missed the old days, when laughing was as easy as breathing.

I missed the old times, when communicating was as simple as talking.

 

I'm losing all. It's just enough. I began to numb. I concede.

Deal with IT,dear!!

Right now I'm not going to write poem/poetry/beautiful-ugly-teary-laughy words. I just want to write simply a short thing that quite a lot of people keep on debating. Harmoni

As most of you already knew, Harmoni in the second season (the new season) is changing the orchestra and of course the music director (or who used to be the center of the show).

And because of it, people are divided into 3 kind of audience.The one who love the new harmoni, the one who love (and prefer) the old harmoni, and the one who keep on asking "why people keep on comparing the new orchestra with the old orchestra". (Btw,is it suppose to be another one, who keep on asking "why some people love the new orchestra" ? Hahahaha..skip it!)

I'm not trying to be neutral right here.Not at all.Because I (read the next word, carefully!) LOVE the old orchestra!
It just bother me.

For those who keep on asking...
      "Why people keep on comparing both orchestra? Each orchestra have their own uniqueness"

I'll answer it...
      "Ya eeyaaaalaaahhhh!"

Let me remind you something..

It's the old concept, the old orchestra and the old arrangement that people are falling in love with..
It's the old concept, the old orchestra and the old arrangement that people are craving for more..
It's the old concept, the old orchestra and the old arrangement that (most) people want to see (again in the second season)..

So, yaaa eyaaalaaahhhh..Damn right! Some people will always compare both orchestra.
So, just like we (who prefer the old one,that unfortunately) have to deal with the new one, why don't you deal with the fact that we'll always compare.

Period

She is... ANTIQUE.

She is just a simple girl...

She doesn't like waking up in the morning.
So on holiday, she loves to get underneath the blanket (again) after taking her morning bath.
And yes! She’ll continue sleeping.


She is addicted to coffee and ice cubes.
The mixture of both, she loves it! Strangely, she sleeps well even though she drinks lots of coffee.
And she can eat all ice cubes in this living world. It's a hot day, gloomy, or even rainy, she will still love to eat those ice cubes.


She loves her precious little treasure, her DVDs.
She can spend her whole day, stay in her room watching tons of DVD. It's heaven enough for her.


She loves rainy day.
Rain helps pumping up her writing mood.
But she hates rainy day if she has to be outside. Because it'll ruin her mood, her clothes, her make-up and definitely her hair.LOL!


She loves sitting near a window.
She can feel the wind kicking her face and blowing her hair.


She loves cooking her own snack.
Unfortunately, she needs her good mood if she wants to cook.
No mood no cook.


She is far from easy going.
Don't put your big hope that she'll be such an extrovert. She is not. She prefer to stay quiet especially around new people.
Don’t ask her to babble if you just knew her for a while. Because she can’t do it.
But her family and best friends know exactly how fussy she is.


She loves writing.
When someone breaks her heart, she writes. It's her special way of letting go all of the breaking.
When someone touches her heart, she writes. It’s her own way in thanking those who touch her heart.


She loves music.
But don't ask her to play any musical sheet. She already give up.
She rather sing along or dancing with the music. As long as nobody hear or see her. She prefers to do it alone.
Music is one of her best friend that she can’t live without. Whenever. Wherever. Whatever.


She loves her family.
Her family is another description of her heaven on earth.
She learns that when people disappoint her and throw her down, her family was one of the two that stay.
Hold her tight so she can bravely face it. Hug her so she knows that they never left her.
She learns it the hard way.


She loves her best friends.
They just know when something wrong going on her. They’ll do lots of thing just to make her smile again in those days full of tears.
They always have the time to accompany her mocking those who hurt her.
For her, they're the true bond even without blood.


She doesn't like people who try to get near her just when they needed.
When they need her, they sweet talk her. They talk a lot, like they know her so well. The truth, they know nothing about her.
When they don't need her anymore, they suddenly gone.
That’s the most thing that they don’t know about her. She hates that kind of people.


She is God's creation. No copy of her. Only one and it’s her.
Every day God remind her that she is so damn special. God just never creates another her. Another ANTIQUE kind of her.

You and Your Music

Despite all the different thing about you that people keep on talking,

I love you for the music in you.

It's the only reason that I need to love you more, more and more.

Your music is your words

Keep on talking as much as I keep on listening to you.

Your music is your faith

Keep on believing as much as I keep on believe in you

Your music is your love

Keep on sharing the love as much as I keep on loving you.

It's you.

It's your music.

It's what I love the most.

 

 

 

(KSSD - 20012011)

Music.

She is not a great pianist

Because she hates reading all the jumpy notes in the music partitur

Nor a talented singer

Because she'll definitely faint in front of the crowd

She's just......

someone who love music!

 

It lets her sing and dance along, alone in the room

Not worrying people's attention

It sedates her ups and downs mood

Because somehow, it has its own way

to make her smile when she cry

to calm her when she got the temper.

It helps her kick out all the madness inside

Just turn it out loud and she'll satisified enough.

It pumps up her writing mood

One word of the lyric can easily lead her to something.

 

Tears or laughs..

Sad or mad or even happy.

It accompanies her

whenever..wherever..whatever..

that's why...

she just love music

PERIOD