back to you

I've been falling for people

I've been attacked by hundreds of butterflies

But it always end up the same

It always end up back to you

It always end up me putting another hope

Not on them, it's on you

Is it falling for you?

or is it failing to get rid of you?

Around you, I forget what is falling

Because you never let me fall

You always there to keep me straight

Around you, I know I can trust you

Even with no reason

Somehow I just know, I can trust you

Around you, I just know I want you

I want you to stay

Around you, I just know I fail

I fail to ignore you

One thing that I don't know

I don't know yours

I trust YOU.

As much as all the people who feel upset, me too

I felt like yelling all kind animal to them

shouting my anger to them

But, it won't change anything

Even worse, I make my self no different than them

Maybe I can't be in the front line

But I still have my pray

I still believe HE never fall asleep

I know HE is watching

I know HE never let us alone

Even just for a second

To Your hands I give it all, God

I trust YOU.

Terserah

Lakukan sampai kau puas

Lakukan semua yang kau inginkan

Yang hatimu ingin perbuat

Aku gerah

Aku menepi lelah

Aku habis amarah

Menangis pun terlalu susah

Airmataku menggenang

tapi hatiku terlanjur mengeras

Karna tahu kau tak juga akan jera

apalagi terpikirkan untuk menyerah

Tak perlu lagi kau menghindar

Tak akan lagi aku menyindir keras

Karna kini semua...TERSERAH

Kini kau.... BEBAS!!

untitled

I must be crazy now

I might dream too much

But I do miss you

 

I must be crazy now

I might dream too much

But I do want you around

 

But the moment I realize

I can't move

I don't have the courage

Just like hundreds of times before

Just like days ago when you're so close

 

I wish I could whisper you

I wish I could tell you

Words that I keep holding inside

 

Should've looked at you in the eyes

And tell you everything

Cause by now I know this feeling

I know it's there

I know it's true

I know it's still you

reuni.rasa.

Rasa itu tanpa sadar pernah ada

tapi tak pernah terjamah

Hanya teronggok merana

Tak terasah

Tak tersentuh

Tidak hingga detik ini

Ketika kau tiba-tiba kembali

Tak pelak rasa itu berbalik

Rasa yang dulu cuma ada

Tanpa aku pernah membuka

Aku takut dan hanya menutup mata

Nyatanya kini semua lebih kuat

Aku tak bisa hanya menutup mata

Aku tak bisa hanya mengunci rapat

Aku tak bisa lagi mengelak rasa

Ingin lakukan sesautu

Tapi semua terhalang kelu

Mungkin ini reuni rasa

Tapi nyatanya aku masih sama

Aku masih takut merasa

Aku habis akal

Tak lakukan apa-apa

Lelah.

Aku habis kata.

Aku bahagia saat kau ijinkan aku mendekat.

Aku tak yakin dan berulang bertanya.

Jawaban itu tetap sama.

Kau minta aku mendekat.

Setiap langkah ini hanya mengarah satu.

Setiap langkah ini hanya punya satu tujuan.Kau.

Saat aku mulai melangkah,

kau tersenyum untuk meyakinkan aku mendekat.

Aku percaya.

Selangkah berlalu,kau masih tersenyum.

Namun hanya sambil lalu.

Aku tetap percaya.

Selangkah lagi aku berjalan,

kau hanya diam dengan senyum yang memudar

Perlahan jadi tawar.

Bergeming.

Aku pikir kau hanya sedang memikirkan yang lain.

Dan aku masih percaya.

Selangkah lagi aku berjalan,kau mulai palingkan muka.

Aku berpikir,kau hanya ingin menengok ke arah lain.

Aku pun masih percaya.

Belum separuh jarak aku berjalan,

kau mulai pergi menjauh.

Aku kebingungan terdiam

Haruskah aku terus berjalan?

Kau tak lagi berdiri di situ.

Tak lagi tersenyum dan yakinkan aku.

Senyum itu hilang.Seperti kau yang juga menghilang.

Tembok percaya yang aku bangun perlahan meruntuh.

Kau yang berkata,kau yang meminta.

Tapi kau juga yang menghilang.

Kau yang berkata,kau yang meminta.

Tapi kau juga yang menghempas.

Aku lelah terus menerus percaya.

Tapi tak pernah benar-benar dipercaya.

Aku menyerah karena aku sudah terlalu lelah.

Entah...

Entah itu buta

Atau itu memang benar cinta

Aku hanya terlalu jengah

Melihat dia layaknya yang paling benar

Tak punya banyak salah

Aku hanya terlalu marah

Melihat dia tak juga berusaha

Membiarkan kau yang katanya dia cinta

 

Entah itu cinta

Atau kau memang benar buta

Aku hanya terlalu jengah

Melihat dia membayangi kau bagai arwah

Menggantung mu tanpa kau mengeluh lelah

Aku hanya terlalu marah

Kau pantas dapatkan yang lebih dari dia

Aku takkan langsung menampar

Tapi aku mohon kelak kau sungguh sadar

Aku mohon jangan jadi benar-benar buta

kata.

Aku menumpuk harapan yang terserak

Mengais kesabaran yang tersisa

Aku mencoba bertahan tenang

Masih tetap  berharap..

 

Namun harapan yang hanya selembar tipis

perlahan menguap tanpa jejak

Karena tak pernah sadar,

Aku berdiri di atas harapan semu

Bertahan pun hanya akan menyakiti

 

Mungkin aku yang terlalu sayang

Aku yang tak mampu menghempas

Aku yang tak sanggup membenci

Aku yang tak akan bisa paksa kamu

 

Mungkin memang aku yang terlalu lugu

Sanggup mempercayai setiap kata mu

Bertahan keras hanya dengan alasan itu

 

Mungkin memang aku tak lebih dari anak bawang

yang hanya omong kosong

Mungkin memang aku tak layak

untuk sekali saja dapatkan kesempatan

 

Tapi aku masih bisa paksakan diri

berhenti di sini dan menjauh pergi

biarkan kau tanpa perlu diganggu aku

 

 

PS :Katamu hanya akan tetap kata, tak akan pernah jadi nyata

Katamu akan memberi kesempatan. Kamu berdiri di seberang dengan jurang.Tanpa jembatan - Andrei Aksana

Specially, don't get blind, dear..

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is slowly losing your mind

 

Love is fall

Love is sweet

Love is slowly losing your clear sight

 

Love is beautiful

Love is amazing

Love is slowly insecuring your heart

 

Love is hurt

if you can't respect yourself

Love is tear

if you ignore everything

Love is breaking your every pieces

if you let yourself got blind

 

Do respect yourself

Don't ignore everything

Specially, don't get blind!

You said..You said..You're just a tale!

You said, you love me

You said, you won't hurt me

You said, you'll protect me

You said, you'll never let anyone snub me

It's just your sweet words

It's just your love brag

It end up only as your fairy tale

When they did snub me

Not once, but repeatedly

And each time, you just stand there

It's showing that you can't protect me

It's proving that you actually can hurt me

It's you letting me know that actually, you don't love me

 

PS : dedicated for.........

DIAM

Aku hancur lebih dari berkeping

Aku roboh seketika

Hanya dengan satu diam

 

Segala ikatan meluruh

Terputus dalam sejentik

Hanya dengan satu diam

 

Aku jatuh terlalu dalam

terbuai dengan semua kata

tanpa tahu aku akan terpuruk

Hanya dengan satu diam

 

Aku berdiri perlahan

Berjalan tertatih

Tetap yang aku dapat

Hanya satu diam

 

Tanya dan bingungku terjawab

Hanya dengan satu diam

 

Kamu menggubris aku

Hanya dengan satu diam

Aku berikan yang kamu inginkan

Aku kelak hanya akan diam

 

Kamu meminta maaf

Kamu meminta penjelasan

Atau kamu berlutut meminta di hadapanku

Sampai kamu menangis mengisak pun

Aku hanya akan diam

 

Antara aku dan kamu

Hanya akan ada DIAM

 

PS : inspirasi kamar mandi :D

I refuse to be like YOU!!

Geez!!

I've reached the point that I can't stand anymore

I've reached the point of giving up

I've reached the point that I just so damn mad

When I'm so mad...

When I can't stand...

I tend to give up

When I'm so mad,

I can't do anything other than cry

I'll stupidly drop my tears

When I extremely can't stand,

suddenly my sense fly back to my brain

and I can think clearly

When people around me, like YOU, start to act like a jerk

or a pathetic spoil brat,

It doesn't mean that I have to be a jerk too

I refuse to be a jerk!!!

I refuse to be just like YOU!!

So rather than mocking YOU,

I choose to ignore YOU

"Do whatever you want to do,brat.I just don't care"

Ps : Pardon my language

crazily babbling!!

It's hard to say I ain't giving my best

For I don't have the chance

to just throw you all that I can

I keep on yelling at myself

"don't just give up!!"

 

Part of me don't want to give up

The other part seems to be out of strength

Part of me want to keep on believing

The other part start to run out of reasons

reasons for everything that you've done

Part of me do still believe in you

The other part seems to....give up

 

You'd probably say I don't understand

Then..make me understand!

You'd probably say I ask too much

Then..don't give me all your shitty hope!

You'd probably say you don't need me

Then..what more can I say

It's all in you that make me fall in love

And, it's all in you, too..that make me out of love

Dahulu.....

Sepenggal masa kecilku.......

Aku terbangun di antara deretan lemari dan sofa.
Ah, aku ingat...aku di rumah Ompung di kampung
Tidak lama terdengar suara berat merdu Ompung doli,
"Oooiiii, bangun..Ayo sarapan.Nanti keburu dingin panungkup nya!"
Ya.
Itulah sapaan khas Ompung setiapp pagi
Aku lari turun ke bawah, sebelum jatah sarapan ku dihabiskan
Ompung doli duduk manis menghabiskan sarapan
Kadangkala sambil memangku cucu-cucu kecilnya
Sementara Ompung boru bolak balik,
hanya untuk memastikan semua cucu dapat panungkup dan segelas susu hangat
Kadangkala juga meladeni cucu nya yg ingin bergelayut manja.

Itu tadi cuma secuil dari kenangan
Tapi aku yakin tidak akan pernah lupa
Aku tidak pernah suka panungkup,
tapi sarapan panungkup sama Ompung selalu menyenangkan
Aku suka melihat ompung di antara cucu-cucu nya
Aku senang melihat senyum ompung yang tidak pernah habis stok
Cinta yang akan selalu ada, sebanyak apapun cucu nya
Cinta yang tak kenal lelah, asal cucu nya bahagia
Cinta yang tak tahu pilih kasih, semua rata
Terimakasih, Ompung, untuk cinta nya

Katanya, doa anak untuk orang tuanya selalu didengar,
berarti...doa cucu untuk ompung nya pasti lebih didengar lagi...
"Tuhan, tolong sampaikan sejuta sayangku untuk Ompung.
Jaga ompung agar selalu bahagia.
Dimana pun dan kapanpun, aku ingin mereka bahagia"


Note : Ompung Doli = Kakek, Ompung Boru = Nenek, panungkup = panekuk/semacam pancake khas tapanuli

31.08.10

When someone gave you tears,

the best thing you can give back is your smile.

The most bitter thing you can give back is your forgiveness.

They don't deserve any of your revenge.

Not even the slightest thought.

So don't waste your time on them.

They're way too..

MEANINGLESS!

Ooo..dilemma.Ooo..dilemma.

When I'm in a dilemma,

I wish I could kill one idea and stick with just one thought

I wish I could please everyone including me

But sometimes, I just can't

Sometimes, my thought scream even louder

And it's aching a lot

But still, I have to choose

When nobody can't understand any of my choice

I just wish God do

I wish He knows how it shattered me

I wish He choose not to give up on me

I wish He always be the one,who I could hold on to

Untitled

when I give you the biggest smile,

don't you know I'm covering my tears.

when I throw you the silliest joke,

don't you know I'm holding all the pain inside.

when I stand up so strong in front of you,

don't you know I'm out of strength.

when I answer all your questions calmly,

don't you know I'm crumbling inside.

again, you ask the same questions.

again, I uphold my self hardly.

again, I become that brittle little girl.

do you even realized, your questions slowly killing me.

do you even notice, your questions seems to doubt me.

do you even know, your doubt slowly drown me to the deepest.

Say no to grudges!!

Some said, it's my stages of losing.

But, for me, it's not!

It's my stages of not-letting-any-grudge-to-stay.

Am not losing

for I don't have anything.

Am just staying out of any grudge.

For whatever you've done..

promise you, I'll forgive one day.

But can't promise you that I'll forget.

You were part of my inner circle.

But now, for me, you're just bunch of people,

whom I don't even recognize.

It might be so damn harsh.

But no way on earth,

I repeat the same stupid.

I put no care for whatever you think.

the late "bla bla bla"

I just start it.

Actually, I haven't fully start it.

I did try to let you know what I'd do.

I did try to make you notice.

You did ignore me, don't you?

So I did what I'd do

When you finally notice, suddenly you came out of nowhere

Probably from your gold cage

You start to babbling "bla bla bla"

"Don't do bla bla bla"

Yes! You keep on shouting "bla bla bla" on me

Let me tell you something..

"D'oh,where have you been??

Chirping me around with your bla bla bla thingy,now??

YOU'RE LATE!!"

the TRUTH the REAL the WHAT SO EVER...

I thought of a hurt.

but never thought it would be this hard.

I thought of a disappointment.

but never thought it would be this big.

thanks for the hurt,

for I learn from you, the best in hurting other.

thanks for being coward,

for I learn that you're nothing, but a jerk.

thanks for being selfish,

for I learn who's the real blood.

thanks for leaving me alone, blank

for I learn that I have the best people around.

the best bond even without blood

 

for real, I'm not an angel

but I don't have the heart to do what you did to me.

for real, I'm not a great person

but I used to face what i did, rather than run away.

for real, I'm not a holy person

but I try my best to be honest, rather than hide it.

not even your great title can guarantee your good attitude.

not even the blood between can guarantee that you won't hurt me.

 

I wish you're brave enough

to just face me and tell me all

yet, you're not!

you run, you leave me alone

unlike you, I don't push people until they fall and run

I choose to give my hand to help them to get up

because no one ever taught me to be a chicken

I LOVE YOU!!

Dad can make mistakes..Mom can be crazily busy

Dad can be so tough..Mom can be amazingly interfering

Dad can be less understanding..Mom can be extra fussy

We can argue hard..when we defend our opinion

We can mad at each other..when it comes to differences

We can bug out at each other..when we felt offended

But..at the end of each argument, I know they love me

that they don't want me to make a wrong choice

At the end of each fight, I know they still stay by my side

for whatever I decide to choose..they'll stay

At the end of each argument, I know they love me

that they never ever stop believe in me

At the end of each fight, I know they still stay by my side

for they're the one..the real family..never leave

Therefore, no doubt to yell this out loud :

"I LOVE YOU, DAD!! I LOVE YOU, MOM!!"

I miss it!

Everytime I look in to your eyes, I felt your happiness.

I want to feel what you feel.Again.

It's not jealousy.Nor envy.It's missing.

I miss those feeling.I miss having those butterfly.I miss all of it.

But when I remember the hurt it could cost, I start to re-think

The more I want it, the more I fear it.

The more I fear anybody could hurt me again.Worse or not, it still a hurt

I could easily fall.But never that easy when it comes to get up.

 

that's what we called HARMONI!

What cross your mind when you heard the word harmoni?
Beauty..Balance..Music..
My mind? No need to figure out what cross my mind because my mind already contaminated by the real harmoni. And it felt great! Curious what's inside this real harmoni?? Let me get you contaminated too.
Lets roll..
Harmoni adalah sebuah acara musik yg lain daripada yg lain. Diadakan oleh salah satu televisi swasta, SCTV. Acara ini diadakan setiap bulan nya (Januari-Agustus) dalam rangka menyambut ulang tahun SCTV yg ke-20 pada bulan Agustus. Acara musik ini menampilkan kurang lebih 15 penyanyi (soloist, duet, ataupun vokalis band) yang menyanyi dengan diiringi orkestra. Setiap bulan nya acara musik ini menampilkan tema-tema yg berbeda.



Sounds ordinary?? Let me show you what's the extraordinary and the "ajaib" part. Setiap penyanyi yg tampil di acara ini diiringi oleh orkestra, lebih tepat nya Magenta Orchestra *orkestra yg pernah mengiringi Indonesian Idol dan sudah mengadakan 3 konser*. Magenta orkestra dipimpin oleh Andi Rianto *one of a kind, crazy in a positive way, great arranger*. Lagu-lagu yang dimainkan di Harmoni adalah lagu-lagu hasil aransemen mas Andi (Rianto) yang terpadu apik, cantik, menakjubkan *oh my..bahasa nya!?!* dengan alunan orkestra dan tentunya tangan ajaib *oke, ke-lebay-an ini akan terus berlanjut* mas Andi di atas piano.
Selama kurang lebih 90 menit, penonton yg hadir benar-benar disuguhi perpaduan musik yg cantik. Lagu-lagu, yang kata kebanyakan orang lagu alay, ketika ditampilkan di harmoni dengan aransemen yang beda, lagu itu mendadak jadi lagu yang sangat tidak alay. Alias tiba-tiba dicintai dan dipuji banyak orang. Aku akan sedikit bercerita tentang beberapa lagu yang sudah pernah muncul di harmoni *kalau semua lagu diceritain, bisa jadi posting-an yg tidak berujung.betul??betuullll*.
Pernah denger lagu Cari Jodoh nya Wali? Now, imagine Afgansyah Reza sang it with a jazzy arrangement. First time I heard it (Harmoni Januari), I got stunned. Yes, suddenly I shut my mouth and falling in love with the song *a bit info for you, I used to hate this song*.



How about Mau Dibawa Kemana by Armada??Lagu ini lagi sering banget dibawain oleh begitu banyak orang.And I hate it!Waktu lagu ini dibawain di Harmoni (Harmoni Mei), aku nyerah.Aside from the singer who seems to sang it a bit over, I love the arrangement.


Pernah denger lagu Lupa-Lupa Ingat nya Kuburan dan berpendapat kalo lagu itu ga penting?Try to hear the Harmoni version (Harmoni Mei). Aransemen ajaib mas Andi lagi-lagi menampilkan lagu Kuburan yang satu ini dengan versi yang *aku bersumpah sesumpah-sumpahnya* BEDA!! Aransemen lagu ini dibuat agak teatrikal horor *ha?bahasa apa itu?!?*. Mungkin karena nama band nya "Kuburan", jadi dibuat agak horor-horor menegangkan di bagian awal *intro* nya. Ga sampai di situ aja, ada bagian dimana sang vokalis beradu suara sama backing vocal dari Magenta. Sumpah, CINTA banget!!


Pastinya familiar banget sama lagu Teman Tapi Mesra nya Ratu *kalo sekarang dikenal dengan nama Maia* kan? Kalau versi aslinya, lagu itu adalah lagu up beat. Gimana kalau aransemen nya dibuat agak swing dan dinyanyikan oleh seorang diva *yang ga perlu diragukan lagi kualitas nya*, Ruth Sahanaya?? Bahhh, denger versi swing nya (Harmoni April), aku berasa langsung pingin nyembah-nyembah si empunya aransemen *baca : Andi Rianto*. Aransemen nya sendiri udah ciamik, ditambah lagi suara Uthe yg masuk, bisa banget melebur sama aransemen baru nya, ga ada mati nya. Udah. Selese. Selesai semua. Beneran nyembah-nyembah.


Selain aransemen dari tiap lagu yang bisa sangat berbeda dengan asli nya, satu lagi yg aku suka dari lagu-lagu di harmoni, medley lagu-lagu nya.Beberapa medley yang aku suka adalah medley di harmoni bulan Februari dan Mei. Di harmoni Februari, medley nya ditampilkan indah sekali oleh Sita Nursanti, Mario Ginanjar, dan Nindy. Berhubung itu adalah bulan Februari *dan temanya adalah Cinta*, jadi yang di medley adalah lagu-lagu cinta *yg sanggup ngebuat aku pingin langsung lari ke toilet dan nangis sesengukan karna berasa tertohok..hahahaha,curcol*.


Nah, kalau di harmoni bulan Mei, medley ciamik ditampilkan oleh rising star, Magenta Singers (sedikit tentang Magenta Singers, mereka ini adalah 4 backing vocal : Ira Batti, Annisa Pontjo, Pungky Purnanto, dan Wisha Sofia Dewi dari Magenta Orchestra.Kalau ditanya pengalaman kayaknya Magenta Singers ini ga kalah pengalaman sama penyanyi-penyanyi yg sudah punya album.Kualitas nya, jaminan mutu! Juara! Jempol!)
Magenta Singers menyanyikan medley dari beberapa lagu. Sebagai bagian dari Magenta Orchestra, mereka terlihat dan terdengar piawai banget menyesuaikan dengan aransemen mas Andi. Beda nya, kali ini mereka tampil di depan *ga cuma ngumpet di belakang*.Dan bener, semua lagu mereka sikat, tandaskan, tuntaskan dan selesaikan dengan cantik.


Itu tadi cerita beberapa penampilan di harmoni *catat!baru beberapa!*. Udah banyak sekali yang tampil di Harmoni. Dan hampir semuanya tampil jauh dari mengecewakan alias main cantik alias top. Kalau aku harus ceritain semua penyanyi yang udah pernah tampil, dari bulan Januari, mungkin postingan ini akan jadi postingan yang berjilid-jilid *lebay*.
You never heard or watched Harmoni? I guess you'll be so deeply in regret because you never watch it. So, I strongly advice you to watch it. Watch it on the 20th every month (until August) on SCTV. Coba simak, perhatikan, dengarkan dan rasakan kegilaan aransemen-aransemen seorang Andi Rianto. Ga hanya aransemen nya aja, coba perhatiin ketika dia mainin jari-jari ajaib nya di piano. Aku ga pernah liat mas Andi nunjukin muka bingung, stress ataupun muka mikir *mikir harus mainin not apalagi*.Setiap lagu yang dia mainin, bener-bener dia nikmatin dan mengalir banget. I LOVE IT!!

Here is the man behind those crazy arrangement, Andi Rianto!!
Iri? Ngiler? Pingin nonton? Penasaran? Jangan lupa, nonton di SCTV setiap tanggal 20.Jangan sampe jadi manusia paling ketinggalan jaman karna ga pernah nonton Harmoni :D
For a reminder, this is just my point of view. If you agree, thank God. If not, I'm fine with it.
I'm out *for now*



Note : Photo's courtesy by Shai

fragile

Did you know?
When I laugh out loud ..Inside, I was holding my tears from falling down
Did you know?
When I keep on talking..Inside, I was putting my last energy just to convince you
Did you know?
When I said that I’m fine, I was breaking into pieces
Did you know?
When I said that I’m happy, I was crying so hard
Did you know?
When I said that I’ll be okay, I was asking you to hold me tight
Because I have no more power to even hold myself
I’m breaking down..tearing apart..crumbling hard
But I do it all inside, so nobody really know
I thought that I was strong, but I am wrong
I am weak and I am in a total down.

none but the IMPERFECT

Who are you to judge the life I live?

I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be.

But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean

 

ps : I find this sentence from somewhere,unfortunately I forget where.I love each word!

Untitled

" Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
'Pooh?' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.
'I just wanted to be sure of you.' "

A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)